So it finally happened. At the age of 23 I experienced my first heartbreak (*long sigh). I guess I shouldn't really be surprised, I mean, it was bound to happen at some point. I'm not sure what made me think I would never experience it. Oh but God came thought with a smooth "nigga you thought," and rattled my cage something fierce.
I won't lie, the shit stings, a lot. And it goes double for me as I was the one who brought the house of cards crashing down. I can't say things were going perfectly between us, but they were good. And the feelings I (and based off the texts I've received, I'll venture to say he) developed, were certainly real, and exponentially strong. In the months we were together, we learned more than just a few tidbits of information about each other. I told him my shit, and shared his. I looked forward to the good morning texts I received nearly each and every day. I got use to saying "babe," more than I did saying his actual name. I even gained the coveted title of husband a few times, and I must admit, it felt nice.
But then it happened. I arrived at his house with the anticipation of having a chill day before I headed off to work, and then he asked the dreaded question: Is there anything you want to tell me? As with most situations such as these, I was completely blindsided. I panicked, saying what I though would help me save face, but it proved useless. The truth was the truth, so I owned up to it, with a head hung in shame.
Now to be clear, I did not cheat, as we really didn't have a title attached (which is a whole different convo better suited for another day). However, I did make a promise. And because I reneged on that promise, I saw my wonderfully crafted sandcastle, demolished, under a tidal wave of distrust and loathing.
Ya boy was a wreck. I sent no less than a dozen text messages, and made twice as many phone calls. It goes without saying the response back wasn't exactly warm and fuzzy, but can you blame a 'G' for trying? It took me a minute to finally accept the truth. To accept that I was the Trojan horse. But I finally have, and in doing so, have started to take the first steps towards 'okayness'. I don't expect for me to make over the hill anytime soon. I know it may take a week, shit, maybe even two before I am fully back to "me," but I know I'll get there. And once I've arrived, will utilize the lessons I've learned from this experience and apply it to the next phase of my life. Until then, I'll just have to deal with this bitch most people know as emotions...fuck.